You have heard it from your friends. Or perhaps read the listicles. Narcissistic partners are like a ticking time bomb. They will be perfect in the beginning. They will make you feel like the only person in the world — until they don’t. Irresistible at first, and destructive over time. But guess what? New research from Michigan State University found that narcissism and relationship satisfaction are more complex than expected. In fact, this major study upends the assumption that narcissistic partners inevitably poison relationships over time.
Narcissistic behavior is far more complex
The study used longitudinal data to track over 5,000 couples over up to six years and found that not all narcissism works the same way. The research, published in the Journal of Personality, explored narcissism’s effect on romantic relationships. The participants in the study completed questionnaires that measured two dimensions of narcissism: narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry.“Narcissists have two different ways to maintain their inflated positive self-perceptions. They can puff themselves up by trying to impress others (narcissistic admiration), or they can put other people down to show they are superior to them (narcissistic rivalry),” Gwendolyn Seidman, lead author of the study and associate professor in MSU’s Department of Psychology, said.
How can narcissistic rivalry affect relationships?
During the study, the researchers found that narcissistic rivalry traits were consistently linked to lower relationship satisfaction for both partners. However, narcissistic admiration had no meaningful effect on either partner’s satisfaction. This challenges previous research and beliefs surrounding narcissistic admiration.The researchers also found that the relationship did not decline faster when only one partner was highly narcissistic. This points to the long-term effects of narcissism on romantic relationships. The impact is more nuanced than previously thought.During the study, the researchers also looked at couples who had been together for a year or less, and found that narcissistic traits didn’t affect satisfaction at all. “People often assume that narcissists are charming at first but gradually damage their relationships over time. Our findings suggest that the reality may be more complicated. Perhaps there is some turning point in the relationship where things change, and satisfaction nosedives, or perhaps the ‘honeymoon’ phase with narcissists is longer. Another possibility is that the harm caused by narcissists doesn’t show up directly in their partners’ overall relationship satisfaction. For example, narcissists may gradually erode their partners’ self-esteem or sense of agency,” Seidman added. So, what does that mean for you? Can you live with a narcissistic partner? Not exactly. But what kind of narcissistic partner you have really matters. More importantly, this behavior is more complex than we thought. Researchers are now planning to explore how personality traits shape relationship experiences.
