Every parent wants their child to only see the good parts of life. When difficulty arises for the child, they instinctively intervene to solve the problems and prevent conflicts and disappointment. However, growth doesn’t happen in a perfectly cushioned environment. Remember, childhood is not meant to be free of challenges; it is meant to prepare a child for life as it truly is.
Parenting quote of the day by Ellen Key
This message is best delivered in the words of Swedish writer and social reformer, Ellen Key. She was a late 19th and early 20th-century writer and reformer who advocated against rigid, traditional schooling, promoting education that fostered creativity and emotional growth.Ellen Key famously wrote in her 1900 book, ‘The Century of the Child,’: “At every step the child should be allowed to meet the real experience of life; the thorns should never be plucked from his roses.”
‘The thorns should never be plucked from his roses’: The deeper message
In its deeper sense, the “roses” here represent success in a child’s life, while the “thorns” depict the struggles and discomfort that naturally come along with them. By saying that the thorns should never be plucked, she cautions parents against removing every hardship from a child’s path. Because when we do that, we don’t just remove pain, we also remove the opportunity to learn.Understanding life is part of the experience. When parents constantly step in to fix the struggles, children begin to look at the good experiences (roses) only. On the other hand, when a child faces disappointments and failures, they develop emotional strength.
Why overprotection can backfire
Though it may come out of love, overprotection can quietly limit a child’s growth. Over time the child will become dependent on others to solve his problems, face difficulty coping with setbacks, and feel overwhelmed in stressful situations.
The takeaway for parents
At the same time however, this quote does not suggest leaving children alone in their struggles. You don’t need to suddenly expose children to harsh realities, but to allow age-appropriate challenges. The role of the parent is not to remove all the problems and disappointments, instead, it is to stand beside the child as they learn how to handle them. It’s all about finding the right balance.
About writer Ellen Key
Ellen Key was born in 1849. She was a prominent Swedish writer, educator and reformer who was best known for her radical views on child-centered education and women’s rights. Her landmark 1900 work, ‘The Century of the Child,’ (where the above quote comes from) predicted that the 20th century would prioritize children’s development and rights, significantly influencing progressive educators like Maria Montessori. Key was an influential writer across Japan, Europe, and the United States. During her final years, before passing away in 1926, Key lived at ‘Strand,’ a house she designed by Lake Vättern. Upon her demise, she willed the home to be used as a retreat for female workers.
