What happens when parents stop trying to win every argument with their children? According to Bollywood actor Arshad Warsi, it may give children more room to be honest, think for themselves and even challenge their parents. The actor spoke in a podcast with Raj Shamani about the way his father raised him and why he has carried some of those lessons into his own parenting. He believes children do not always need more rules. Sometimes, too many rules can make them more determined to break them.
“My father disciplined me by not disciplining me”
22 Sept 2026 | 14:56
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When asked whether his father was a tough parent and how he disciplined him, Warsi gave an answer that went against the usual idea of strict parenting. “I’m telling you, he disciplined me by not disciplining me,” he said. Explaining what he meant, Warsi said, “When you put too many rules and regulations around somebody, that person always starts thinking about breaking the rules. My dad never did that.” For Warsi, one of the biggest benefits of growing up without constant fear of punishment was that he did not feel the need to lie to his parents. “I proudly tell my children that, in my entire life, I never lied to my parents. I never lied. Ever. I never needed to lie because there was never that fear that if I said something, my parents would catch me and beat me. That fear was never there,” he said.
When he told his father he smoked
Warsi recalled one example from his own youth. When he started smoking, he did not feel the need to hide it from his father. “So, when I started smoking, I told my dad, ‘I smoke.’ He told me, ‘Don’t.’ He said, ‘It will spoil your health. Why do you do it?’” he recalled. Warsi also remembered what happened when his father found out that he had started drinking. “He found out and asked me, ‘Do you drink?’ I said, ‘Yes, I have tried it.’” His father’s response was not what one might expect. “He said, ‘Then do one thing. Sit with me and have good alcohol. Why go outside and pay money to drink bad alcohol?’”Warsi still remembers his father’s response. “He just told me, ‘You don’t know what is good and what is not. You are not a stupid kid.’ I like that approach with my kids too,” he said.
“You are not a kid or a stupid person”
Arshad Warsi with his family.
That is also how Warsi says he tries to speak to his own children. “I tell them, ‘You know what? You are not a kid or a stupid person.’” He believes parents can sometimes become uncomfortable when children stop simply following instructions and start forming opinions of their own. “I think you should not discipline children too much,” he said. “What often happens is that we like our children as long as they have no opinion.”According to Warsi, the dynamic can change once children begin questioning their parents. “The moment they develop a brain and an opinion, we start fighting with them because they are no longer listening to us.” He believes parents should also ask themselves what is really happening during such disagreements. “But the reality is that you are not correcting the child. You are trying to show your power as a parent,” he said. The thought behind the argument, he suggested, is often: “My child is not listening to me.”But Warsi believes parents should also consider another possibility. “Maybe your opinion is wrong,” he said, laughing. “Maybe that is why the child is not listening.” “We never think like that. We never think, ‘Maybe I am wrong. Maybe the child is right.’ That is where we make a mistake.”
He lets his children challenge his opinions
Warsi was then asked whether he was comfortable with his own children challenging his opinions. “One hundred per cent. They do it all the time,” he said with a laugh. For him, a child disagreeing with a parent is not automatically a problem. “All kids think their parents are idiots,” he said. “I think it should be like that.” His reasoning comes down to the difference between age and actual experience.“There is a huge difference in age and experience,” Warsi said. He does not believe being older automatically means knowing more. “We often make the mistake of thinking, ‘This person is 50 years old, so he must know more.’ No. He could be a 50-year-old idiot.” He continued, “Maybe he has done nothing in his life. You may have achieved something at 10 or 20 that he did not achieve even by the age of 70.” “So how did he suddenly become wiser than you just because he is old?” he asked. “You give an older person respect because of their age, but age alone does not mean they know more. That’s the reality,” he said.
What he unknowingly picked up from his father
Warsi also sees parts of his father in the way he behaves today. Asked whether he sometimes finds himself behaving like his father, he said, “In a way, yes.” “I think that easiness, that relaxed attitude and that humour are my dad’s. He was like that,” he said. When asked what he loved about his father that he had unknowingly picked up, Warsi jokingly answered, “Having a drink every night.” He quickly added, “No, no. As I said, I think he was an all-right person.” He also recalled that he did not spend a lot of time with his parents while growing up because he was in boarding school.
