Romance, in itself, is complicated. Sure, you like them, or perhaps really love them. But sometimes, no matter how strong your feelings are, the relationship just does not move forward. You always feel like you’re one step away from something real. Before you attribute it to bad timing or something else, you may want to know whether your partner might be commitment-phobic. It’s more common than you think, so here are five telltale signs to watch for.
They dodge every conversation about the future
Commitment-phobic people don’t encourage conversations about the future. It may not be evident, which is exactly why you may not identify it at first. For example, every time you mention moving in together, they suddenly find an excuse. They might want to grab a drink, or perhaps suddenly remember that ‘important call’ they have to make. Commitment-phobic partners are actively allergic to future planning because any planning means they are walking toward something permanent.
Their relationship history is all short stories
People who fear commitment often have a pattern. All you need to do is take a walk down memory lane. Look at their past relationships. You will be able to spot their brief relationships. Yes, they may have valid reasons behind it. For instance, the vibe didn’t match, they had different goals for the future, they grew apart, or perhaps it just didn’t work for some strange reason. We all have a past, and there is no need for any judgments. But if your partner’s past relationships only lasted three months or six months, there is surely a pattern.
“Maybe” is practically a second name
If your partner uses a lot of modifiers while speaking, beware. Commitment-phobic people often rely on hedging language. You may hear words like probably, maybe, might, and possibly more than ever. “Maybe” is practically their second name. Something as simple as “Can we make it to my friend’s party on Saturday?” will be met with “Let’s see, maybe.” When someone can’t commit to a party, they’re not ready to commit to a relationship!
They don’t say the L-word
Commitment-phobic people dodge the L-word. When you tell them “I love you,” they may respond with “hmm” or “I know.” Because, for them, saying the L-word is terrifying. It means making a promise. Instead, they find creative ways to work around that. For example, “I really care about you,” “You mean a lot to me,” or just a flat “Ditto.” That is a walking red flag.
They have acquaintances, not close friends
Another sign is their social circle. Your partner may be charming, fun, and even popular, but if you look closer, you may not find any close friends. Best friends are pretty much nonexistent for them. They may have friends to party with all night, but not a 2 a.m. friend. In some case, they avoid intimacy of all kinds. Commitment issues aren’t just limited to romance but extend to all kinds of relationships. If they’re close with everyone but truly close with no one, that tells you everything.
