Quote of the day by BK Sister Shivani: “When there is a conflict, talk to them instead of talking about them”

When conflicts arise, we often vent to others instead of addressing the issue directly with the person involved. BK Sister Shivani advises talking to the individual, not about them, to avoid intensifying problems. This direct approach, though uncomfortable, is crucial for genuine resolution and prevents issues from being amplified by multiple perspectives.

We’ve all been there. A friend says something that stings. A colleague takes credit for your work. A family member crosses a line. And before we even realise it, we’ve already sent three voice notes to someone else about it.It’s one of the most human things we do, reach out to someone safe when we’re hurting. But we don’t even realise that while doing this, we are hampering the real solution to the actual problem, as the one person who could actually fix things never gets to hear a word.BK Sister Shivani, one of India’s most beloved spiritual guides and a senior Rajyoga teacher with the Brahma Kumaris organisation, has spent decades helping ordinary people find a way through the quiet chaos of their relationships and daily life struggles through her wise words.Her teachings aren’t about renunciation or doing some traditional practices, they’re about the simple daily choices that define how we treat each other.

BK Sister Shivani (Photo: @bk_toronto/ X)

What does the quote mean?

Sister Shivani tells us to redirect our words during conflict through her words of wisdom. When something goes wrong between two people, most of us instinctively turn to others, be it friends, family or colleagues, rather than turning toward the person who’s actually involved. We talk about them, not to them.Talking about someone you have a conflict with to someone else is comfortable because it carries no risk. The person we share our story with or just venting to won’t challenge or offer the other side of the story. So, we tend to have this conception of staying safe.But nothing gets resolved.On the contrary, talking to the person we are at loggerheads with calmly and honestly is uncomfortable because it is important and requires vulnerability. It means you might be wrong about something. It means the relationship is worth the discomfort of a real conversation.

We do not realise where we go wrong

She further adds, “The more people know about our problem, the more vibrations will be created about our problem. The more perspectives that will be added to our problem. It’s the easiest way to INTENSIFY our problem.”What we actually do is hand our problem to more and more people, each of whom brings their own opinion, their own fear, their own bias. Suddenly, one small issue has ten different versions floating around in ten different heads, and every new perspective adds more weight to something that was maybe, just maybe, manageable to begin with. Sharing everything with everyone doesn’t lighten the load. It multiplies it.So, next time you are at loggerheads with someone, talk to them directly, rather than taking opinions and advice from ten others, it might just help resolve the issue better and quicker!